DO THE WORK!!!

I have always dreamed of becoming an actress. As a child I was very confident, singing and dancing at every given opportunity. I believed in myself without question.

After school I studied Method acting and voice for 4 years at THE METHOD ACTORS’ TRAINING CENTRE. This experience enriched my life and brought my dream a little closer.

At age 22 I started looking for acting work. Completing your studies and going out into the big world alone is a very scary thing; you feel unprepared for what you need to do when school is finally behind you and you have to face the realities out there all by yourself. Initially you are very excited and then very scared!

I got an agent, waited, went for auditions.

I discovered that when I did land professional acting work I still felt empty inside. Nothing was fulfilling me and after four hard years of part-time jobs, failed auditions, theatre productions filled with people that did not take their job seriously and voice-overs done to survive, I threw in the towel and gave up!

I had always said: “If this doesn’t work out I will simply get a real job!” So ... this is what I decided to do. I took a job as an event manager and gave up on acting all together.

Two weeks into the job I was so depressed that I could not get out of bed in the morning. I had signed a three-month contract and I was determined to see it through but no matter how hard I tried to get somewhere and “stay positive”, I simply could not.

By the time the third month came around I was literally crying every day and I was gaining weight. I became suicidal, praying that the earth would swallow me up. For those who do not know me: this is not my personality at all as I am usually a bright and enthusiastic person.

I had to face what was eating me alive inside. Was it really the job? The routine? The money-hungry boss? I did not know and my mind never became peaceful about what was upsetting me so much.

My contract was extended by one month and I accepted it so that I could have money to go on vacation. The final month of work was the worst as the job became very stressful. We had a crisis on our hands and I had to cope with double the work load.

I started having a nervous breakdown. I could not remember anything, I had no energy and I was moody. This was a very scary time for me because I could not trust myself. One day I lost my parking ticket and nearly got arrested because of the way I acted in the parking office. I was totally OUT OF CONTROL and my life was falling apart.

I worked my last day and got onto a flight that same night. I traveled to Cape Town and joined my boyfriend and his family on vacation. During this period I had time to sit down and just be in nature and with myself. I discovered certain truths about things that were keeping me back.

Firstly, I realized that my dad did not believe in my acting abilities. I can’t say he did not support me or tried to hinder me but he made it very clear to me that I would be a better manager than an actor. One day I sat him down and asked:  “Why do you not believe in me?” and his response was chilling. He said: “Well, do you want me to lie to you?” followed by the entire speech (all over again) about me becoming a manager! I cried for days after this conversation.

I realized that I would need to let this go because it was holding me back. I had felt that I needed his support before I could believe in myself. I had thought that I would make it if only he believed in me. I blamed him for me not “making it”. I recognized that this was holding me back and so I simply let it go. I felt free afterwards and decided that nobody would ever have that amount of influence on me again.

Secondly, it became clear to me that I'd never had faith in myself. At every audition I actually believed that there was someone better than me for the part. 

Thirdly, it hit me that I had been sitting around for the past few years, waiting for the perfect audition, and that I was not doing the work.

I then came to the conclusion that these aspects were all linked. I never did the work because I was scared of actually being successful. I did not believe in myself or the fact that I could be a good actor and my dad not believing in my acting career confirmed what I thought about myself. Once I became aware of this, I decided to change totally and to actually start believing in my abilities.  Suddenly the Great Depression lifted and I felt free again!

I decided that from now on I will do the work and have confidence in myself until the day comes when the right door is opened for me. 

You cannot be an actor if you do not do the work. On the video clip placed elsewhere on this blog, Will Smith says that people confuse talent and skill. Talent you are born with but skill is something you learn (which is absolutely essential to have if you want to be a viable artist).  As an actor it is your duty to do a voice warm-up and articulation exercises every day. You have to work on a monologue or dialogue under your own steam when you are not working in the industry in order to keep your acting techniques going and your instrument fresh and ready to perform when you do get work. It is a full-time job even when you’re between jobs! 

My days are very different now. I spend at least a third of every day working on myself and training my voice and acting abilities / techniques. Do not think that just because you have studied you can relax at home and work on your instrument the day you get a job in the industry. My Method teacher, Stephanie van Niekerk, keeps saying over and over again … year after year … that an actor cannot afford to stop working on his or her instrument once the studies have been completed. Like a musician or ballet dancer, who has to practice every day, the actor has to keep working on acting and voice technique continuously or s/he will be back at square one pretty quickly!  

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF … believe that you are the best and you will be.

DO THE WORK … and you will succeed!

Here is the trick though: surround yourself with your true brothers and sisters (these are the people who believe in you and support you); believe without a shadow of a doubt in your mind that this is your destiny and work as hard as you can on your instrument and your skills every day.

At my birthday dinner in January I told my entire family that I will be acting again this year. My dad asked how I would do that and I told him that I planned to work as hard as I needed to in order to get where I want to be. I added that whoever does not believe in me would not stand in my way as I was prepared to cut them out.

My dad's response was that it is great! ... and I now have his support.

You see, throughout my whole life I'd thought that he did not believe in me because I was not good enough … but the truth is that he did not believe in me because I did not believe in me!

You cannot lie to the world about how you feel about yourself because it shines through anyway.

I will only give up on my passion the day I die because I have found something that is worth dedicating my life to. I have found something that is worth dying for.

Watch Will Smith in the video clip “While you are sleeping I will be working”. I hope it inspires you to work harder than ever before!

Michelle Victor as Sam in Daydreams and Nightmares (2010), a Method Actors’ Training Centre workshop production based on improvisations

Written by: Michelle Victor, Method Actors' Training Centre Alumni and Actress